Best Friend

A guy is talking to his best friend. He tells him, "I haven't  made love with her for a month.  She's carrying a strange virus that can leave me deaf if I have any sort of sexual intercourse with her."
The friend replied, "Talk louder man, I can't hear a thing you're saying."

Huge Guy and Tiny Girl Get Married

A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his friends says to him, "How the hell do the two of you have sex?"  The big guy says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits on top, and I bob her up and down.  "His friend says, "You know, that doesn't sound too bad!"  The big guy says, "Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I got somebody to talk to!"

What's In a Name Anyways

Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey... My Love... Darling... Sweetheart... Pumpkin, etc.
Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."
Morris hung his head and whispered, "To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago!"