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The best jokes and joke writers!

Garage Trouble

Jeff snoozed through his morning wake-up alarm and had scrambled to get dressed, drop the kids off and get to work.  He rushed into the office and as he was passing by the receptionist she said, "You left the garage open."  At first he thought maybe his neighbor had called but then realized that she was trying to tell him nicely that his zipper was open.  He went back to see her and asked, "Did you notice the Porsche in the garage?" She replied, "No, all I saw was a mini-van with flat tires."

Having More Time

After working together for a while, Dick and Jane's office romance blossomed, and they really developed the hots for each other. One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to consummate their lust. Dick finds Jane very tight, and difficult to enter, but finally succeeds. When they are finished, Dick says to her, "If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time!" To which Jane replies "If I'd known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"

75 Story Climb

Bill Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way." At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"

Covid 19 Reduction

A middle manager has a zoom call with his boss Monday morning. He's told that the Covid 19 quarantine is hurting business and he has to furlough one of his employees. He's really upset. Everyone in his department does a good job and it doesn't seem fair. So for the next 2 days he racks his brain trying to figure out who to let go. On Tuesday afternoon he sees Jack and Jill standing six feet apart having a discussion. He says to himself, "Okay it's going to be one of them." He spends the next few days scrutinizing what each of them does. Everything is equal. Productivity. Time off. Reports. Everything. He's in a quandary. It's Friday afternoon and he knows his going to have to think about this all weekend. Everyone has left the office except Jack and Jill, who are getting ready to leave. Jill comes over to say goodbye. "Have a good weekend boss. Hey you don't look so good - do you have the virus?" He looks at her and says "No, but I'm having a tough time here. I can't decide if I should lay you or Jack off." And she looks at him and says  "Well, I have to catch a bus, so I suggest you jack off."

Office - Show Me the Money

A boss said to his secretary I want to have sex with you and I'll make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it I'll be done. She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said to her, "Do it but ask him for $2000, if you pick up the money very fast he won't have enough time to undress himself."

So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, the boyfriend decides to call girlfriend, he asks, "What happened?" She responds, "The bastard used coins."