Kentucky Derby

He's so dumb, he thinks the Kentucky Derby is a hat.

Never Outspoken

You've never been outspoken, no one has ever been able to.

Schmucks Get the Girls

Duncan was in his usual place in the morning, sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives." His wife replies, "Why thank you, dear!"