Q: What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter Bunny?
A: Bugs Bunny.
Three blondes died in a car crash trying to jump the Grand Canyon and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question. St. Peter asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful..." "Wrong! You must go to HELL," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second blonde the same question, "What is Easter?" The second blonde replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus." St. Peter looks at the second blonde, bangs his head in disgust on the Pearly Gates, tells her she's wrong and to go to HELL, and then peers over his glasses at the third blonde and asks, "What is Easter?" The third blonde smiles confidently and looks St. Peter in the eyes, "I know what Easter is." "Oh?" says St. Peter, incredulously. "Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder." St. Peter smiles broadly with delight. The third blonde continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out... and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."
Q: How do Easter bunnies stay healthy?
One Easter morning, the preacher gathered the children of the church in the front of the sanctuary for the weekly children's sermon. He began with a thematically appropriate question. "Children, today is Easter Sunday. What do we celebrate on Easter?" One girl spoke up quickly: "We remember our mothers and how much we love them." "No, that's not quite right," the pastor replied. "You're thinking of Mother's Day." Then, an eager boy took a shot: "Easter is a time when we say 'thank you' to God for all the good things in our lives." "We can always say 'thank you' to God," the pastor said, beginning to worry about the dullness of the children in his church. "But, you're thinking of Thanksgiving, not Easter. Children, what is the meaning of Easter?"
After a few seconds of awkward silence, another girl in a fancy Easter dress gave it a try. "Easter," she said tentatively, "is the day when we remember that Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Then he was buried in the tomb. On Easter morning, God rolled the stone away and Jesus came out of the tomb." "Excellent," cried the relieved pastor.
"And then," the girl continued, "Jesus looked and saw his shadow, so he went back into the tomb and there were six more weeks of winter!"