Easter Sunday Mass

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

Vampire Newspapers

Q: Why did the vampire subscribe to the Wall St Journal?
A: He heard it had great circulation!

Graveyard Noise

Q: Why are graveyards so noisy?
A: Because of all the coffin!