It's Football Time Again
An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes, the old man farts and says, "Seven Points. "His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football!" A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says -"Touchdown, tie score!" After about five minutes the old man farts again and says -"Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7!"Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, -"Touchdown, tie score!" Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says -"Field goal, I lead 17 to 14!" Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he poops the bed. The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?" The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides!"
Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
I've Changed My Mind
This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romantic walk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll his lustful desires rise to a fever pitch. He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don't mind but I'm busting to have a piss." Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK why don't you go behind these bushes?" She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes. As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rolling down her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed. Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches through a gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings his hand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs. He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!" "No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."
Kitchen Floor Too Dirty
Q: How do you know your kitchen floor is too dirty?
A: The slugs leave a trail on the floor that reads "clean me"!
Q: Why don't snowmen eat carrot cake?
A: They're afraid it has boogers in it.