Gross Jokes

- Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

- If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

- So what's the speed of dark?

- Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

- I just got skylights put in my place.  The people who live above me are furious.

- Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

- Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

- Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

- If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

- Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

One day, a little boy, was outside in the backyard stomping on honeybees.When his father came out and saw what the little boy was doing, he made him stop right away and told the little boy, "That's it for you. No honey for a week."

Then the little boy went to the front yard of the house and started stomping on butterflies. When his father saw what he was doing, his father made him stop right away and said, "Stomping on butterflies is a terrible thing to do. Just for that, no butter for a week."

After that, the little boy and his father went into the kitchen and saw the little boy's mother stomping on cockroaches.The little boy turned to his father and said, "Should I tell her or should you?"

A hillbilly from West Virginia returns to his doctor after having some tests and asks what the results were. The doctor explains that he has some bad news, in fact, the patient is HIV positive. "Hell, " says the man, "You can't trust anybody nowadays, not even your own kids!"

The Grade 2 pupils returned to class after the long weekend. Their teacher told them to tell their classmates about the most exciting thing they did during the weekend, but to use adult words in telling their stories.

First Pupil: "I visited my Nana." Teacher: "Please use adult words, you visited your Grandmother."

Second Pupil: I had a ride on a choo-choo." Teacher: "Please, you had a ride on a train."

Third Pupil: I read a whole book by myself for the first time." Teacher: "Excellent. And what was the name of the book?" Third Pupil, with a big grin: "Winnie The Shit!"

A classroom full of freshman medical students is anxiously awaiting their first human anatomy lesson..

When the door opens the professor rolls in a naked dead body of an old man lying face down. He places it in the center of lecture hall and in a stiff voice says, "Before learning human anatomy there are two important things you need to remember."

"First, you should be fearless." The professor then sticks his finger in the dead-body's butt hole and then puts it in his mouth. Seeing this the students are stunned and disgusted. The professor then said in a commanding voice, "Everyone line up and do exactly what I just did." With great hesitation and disgust, every student repeated what their professor did.

After the initial commotion settled down and everyone had their turn, the professor said, "The second thing you need to remember is the importance of having a keen sense of observation. Some of you noticed that I stuck my index finger in the butt hole and put my ring finger in my mouth."