Two Flies on a Date
Two flys are out on a date, so they go out on the town and see fresh dog poop on the side of the road. They rush down and start feasting, when one of the flies stops and has the biggest relieved face. The other fly asks, "Are you okay?" The fly responds with a squirmish smile and the other fly smells something funky and says, "Dude, how rude! You fart while I'm eating!"
Stomping on Bugs
One day, a little boy, was outside in the backyard stomping on honeybees.When his father came out and saw what the little boy was doing, he made him stop right away and told the little boy, "That's it for you. No honey for a week."
Then the little boy went to the front yard of the house and started stomping on butterflies. When his father saw what he was doing, his father made him stop right away and said, "Stomping on butterflies is a terrible thing to do. Just for that, no butter for a week."
After that, the little boy and his father went into the kitchen and saw the little boy's mother stomping on cockroaches.The little boy turned to his father and said, "Should I tell her or should you?"
Insect's Favorite Game
Q: What is the insect's favorite game?
Where's My Cookie
Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight. He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie, and a cookie with him on his next visit. When he was being examined at the next visit, the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy. This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie, and a cookie up his ass. Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie, and a mallet for the next visit. The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ass. After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!
My wife is too afraid of cockroaches. One fine day, I heard a scream from my wife. She saw a cockroach and was screaming. I asked her to take the killing spray and to spray it on the cockroach. She took the spray and turned to me and said, "This spray is only to kill mosquitos, and how can it work for the cockroach?" I said to her, "Don't show the label to the cockroach."