Looks Like Plastic, Feels Like Rubber
An attorney went into a bar for a martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "well, it looks plastic." Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "but it feels like rubber. "Curious, the attorney asked, "What do you have there?" The drunk replied, "I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The attorney responded, "Let me take a look." So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is. Where did you get it?" The drunk replied, "Out of my nose!"
Stomping on Bugs
One day, a little boy, was outside in the backyard stomping on honeybees.When his father came out and saw what the little boy was doing, he made him stop right away and told the little boy, "That's it for you. No honey for a week."
Then the little boy went to the front yard of the house and started stomping on butterflies. When his father saw what he was doing, his father made him stop right away and said, "Stomping on butterflies is a terrible thing to do. Just for that, no butter for a week."
After that, the little boy and his father went into the kitchen and saw the little boy's mother stomping on cockroaches.The little boy turned to his father and said, "Should I tell her or should you?"
Two Flies on a Date
Two flys are out on a date, so they go out on the town and see fresh dog poop on the side of the road. They rush down and start feasting, when one of the flies stops and has the biggest relieved face. The other fly asks, "Are you okay?" The fly responds with a squirmish smile and the other fly smells something funky and says, "Dude, how rude! You fart while I'm eating!"
Q: Why did the fly fall off the toilet?
A: It got pissed off.
Insect's Favorite Game
Q: What is the insect's favorite game?