Stomping on Bugs
One day, a little boy, was outside in the backyard stomping on honeybees.When his father came out and saw what the little boy was doing, he made him stop right away and told the little boy, "That's it for you. No honey for a week."
Then the little boy went to the front yard of the house and started stomping on butterflies. When his father saw what he was doing, his father made him stop right away and said, "Stomping on butterflies is a terrible thing to do. Just for that, no butter for a week."
After that, the little boy and his father went into the kitchen and saw the little boy's mother stomping on cockroaches.The little boy turned to his father and said, "Should I tell her or should you?"
Where's My Cookie
Last year, a guy went to a doctor because he was losing weight. He found out he had a tapeworm, and was instructed by the doctor to bring a muffin, a Twinkie, and a cookie with him on his next visit. When he was being examined at the next visit, the doctor shoved the muffin, the Twinkie, and the cookie up the guy's ass. The patient protested, but the doctor calmed him down, saying it was part of the therapy. This treatment continued for several weeks and every time the doctor shoved a muffin, a Twinkie, and a cookie up his ass. Finally, after many visits, the Doctor instructed the patient to bring a muffin, a Twinkie, and a mallet for the next visit. The day arrived and this time the doctor shoved only the muffin and the Twinkie up the patient's ass. After a few minutes the tapeworm appeared out of his asshole and demanded, "Where's my cookie!?" WHAM!
No Worms Please
A friend went to the kitchen window to check on her two-year-old son, who was playing in the yard with some older children in the neighborhood. She was horrified to see that they were feeding him an earthworm. She quickly opened the window and screamed at them, "Don't feed him worms! They'll make him sick!" They looked up at her puzzled and asked, "Was he sick yesterday?"
Why Two Nostrils?
A mother was having dinner with her two young children when her three year old daughter asked her why there were two holes in your nose. Her four year old son quickly responded with, "So you can still breath when you pick your nose!"
Looks Like Plastic, Feels Like Rubber
An attorney went into a bar for a martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "well, it looks plastic." Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "but it feels like rubber. "Curious, the attorney asked, "What do you have there?" The drunk replied, "I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The attorney responded, "Let me take a look." So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is. Where did you get it?" The drunk replied, "Out of my nose!"