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The best jokes and joke writers!

Little Red's Granny

Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed. Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!'' Grandma replied ''the better to see you with, my dear.'' Little Red Riding Hood told her "Grandma, what big ears you have!'' Grandma replied "the better to hear you with, my dear.'' Little Red Riding Hood told her "Grandma, what a big mouth you have!'' Grandma replied ''of course I do, have you seen Grandpa's dick?!"

Ladies Man

The elderly man flattered himself that he was still a ladies? man, and decided to flirt with the beautiful waitress. "So tell me, sweetheart, where have you been all my life?" he crooned. "Actually, sir," she pointed out, "for the first 45 years of it, I wasn't even born yet."

Famous Uses of the F Word

  • What the fuck was that? The Mayor of Hiroshima
  • Look at all these fucking Indians. General Custer
  • Full speed ahead and fuck the icebergs! Captain of the Titanic
  • That's not a fucking real gun. John Lennon
  • The fucking throttle's stuck. Donald Campbell
  • Who's going to fucking know? President Nixon
  • Heads are going to fucking roll. Henry VIII
  • Watch him, he'll have some fucker's eye out. King Harold
  • Scattered showers my fucking ass. Noah
  • Where the fuck have you been? Stanley to Livingston
  • Can you smell fucking gas? Captain of the Hindenburg
  • Fuck you Brutus! Julius Caeser

New and Improved Karate Chop

A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from China." The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, "Tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

Hostile Happy Hour

Q: What happened when the soldier went into an enemy bar?

A: He got bombed.