Child Wisecracks

1. Teacher: How old were you on your last birthday?
Charlotte: Seven.
Teacher: How old will you be on your next birthday?
Charlotte: Nine.
Teacher: That's impossible.
Charlotte: No, it isn't, teacher. I'm eight today.

2. Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: George!

3. Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today
that we didn't have ten years ago.
Willy: Me!

4. Teacher: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
Tommy: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

5. Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

6. Sylvia: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Sylvia: Your name on this report card.

7. Teacher: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
Sammy: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

8.Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Jose: Don't bite any.

9  Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I". Ellen: I is...
Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
Ellen: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

10. Mother: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
Junior: You said it was my lunch money.

11. Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Class Comedian: Big hands!

Cow Counting

Q: How do cows do mathematics?
A: They use a cow-culator.

Holy Cabbage

Q: What did the Vegetarian Preacher say to his church?
A: Lettuce pray!