Top 10 Key Insights

1. The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.
2. My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me.
3. I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out..?”
4. The speed with which a woman says "nothing" when asked "What's wrong?" is inversely proportional to the severity of the s__t storm that's coming.
5. Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.'   If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday... Your life sucks!
6. The pharmacist asked for my birthday again today.   Pretty sure she's going to get me something.
7. On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year.  This is very upsetting news to me.  I had no idea I was Japanese.
8. I can't understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, "Sag Harbor."
9. What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their noses?
10. When I die I want to be reincarnated as a spider, just so I can finally hear a woman say,  “ Oh my God, it's huge!"

New Job Vocabulary

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing who's to blame for a missed deadline or a failed project.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
Ego Surfing: Googling one's own name.
Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Ohno Second: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a huge mistake.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Kids, Oppressive Mortgage.
Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Treeware: Printed documentation or paperwork.
Xerox Subsidy: Free photocopies from one's workplace.

Vicious Circle

I've started to see a psychologist, but she is so beautiful I can't string together a coherent sentence around her.
Should probably see someone about that.