Stumbling and Mumbling
A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, "Hey where'd ya get the pig?" The woman replies, "Listen you drunken bastard, that's a dog not a pig." The man then said, "Take it easy, I was talking to the dog"
Q: Why did the dog sit in the shade?
A: Because he didn't want to be a hot dog!
Ebonics Second Language
A friend of mine has an 18 year old son named Leroy. He attends Oakland High School where they teach ebonics as a second language. Last week he was given an easy homework assignment; all he had to do was put each of the following words into a sentence.
- Rectum: I had two Cadillacs, but my ol' lady rectum both.
- Hotel: I gave my girlfriend da crabs and the hotel everybody!
- Odyssey: I told my bro, you odyssey the jugs on this hoe.
- Stain: My mother-in-law axed me if I was stain for dinner again.
- Seldom: My cousin gave me two tickets to the Knicks game so I seldom.
- Penis: I went to da doctor and he handed me a cup and said penis!
- Catacomb: Don King was at the fight the other night, man, somebody give that catacomb.
- Forclose: If I pay alimony this month, I'll have no money forclose.
- Undermind: There is a fine lookin' hoe livin' in the apartment undermine.
- Tripoli: I was gonna buy my old lady a bra but I couldn't fine no tripoli.
- Disappointment: My parole officer told me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the big house.
- Income: I just got in bed wit dee hoe then income my wife
- Honor: At the rape trial, the judge axed my buddy, who be honor first?
- Fortify: I axed da hoe how much, and she says "Fortify".
- Israel: Alonso tried to sell me a Rolex, I said "man, that looks fake!" He said "No! Israel!"
Needless to say Leroy got an A.
Q: Why do black people have white hands and feet?
A: That is where God stood them up against the wall to spray them.
Robert Kardashian was OJ Simpson's lawyer,
And thus began the family tradition of getting black men off.