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The best jokes and joke writers!

Tattoo

Me [lifting shirt]: I trust that these will cover it.

Tattoo artist: What are you doing?

Me: Paying you

Tattoo artist: I'm confused

Me: You know, tit for tat

Alexa Reminders

Me: Alexa, remind me to go to the gym

Alexa: I will add gin to your shopping list

Me: Close enough

Weights

What weighs more? A gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

Water. Butane is a lighter fluid.

Shady Dog

Q: Why did the dog sit in the shade?

A: Because he didn't want to be a hot dog!

Chilled Salad

Q: What did the salad say to the fridge?

A: Shut the door, I'm dressing!