Barista: Would you like regular or decaf?
Customer: Would you like me to tip you with real money or Monopoly money?
Q: How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What's a light bulb?
Govenor Chris Christie
Q: How can you tell that Governor Chris Christie is into bondage?
A: He likes to tie people up in traffic.
Witch's Favorite Music
Q: What kind of music do witches play on the piano?
Blowjob On Heinz
A woman was engaged to get married. She had never had any sexual experience whatsoever. So she asked a couple of her friends what she could do to her husband on their wedding night to really impress him. One of her friends suggested that she give him a blowjob. She asked what a blowjob was, but they were all too embarrassed to tell her. Finally one friend told her to just go home and practice on a ketchup bottle. So she practiced for months. Finally the big night came. They got married, went to the hotel room and she got ready to do her thing. She unzipped his pants, got down on her knees, grabbed his penis in her hand, took a deep breath... and started smacking the tip of it with the palm of her other hand.