Norwegian FD

One cold and dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. I will give $100,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. Finally, a distant, lone siren was heard and a run-down old fire truck came into sight. It was from a rural fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.
The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on camera, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?" "Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!

Doctor's Notes 4

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

A Bunch of Better Idiots

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented.

• "Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"
• "Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")
• "I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?"
• "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?"
• "Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm... I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen... do you?
• "I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No... that's your brain miss-firing.)
• "I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months." (I know... how about shooting yourself? That would get you life in prison!)
• "I need a color photograph of George Washington." (Ok... hold on... I'll check with the caveman...)
• "Is the basement upstairs?" (Asked at First Floor Reference Desk) This one gets the golden stupidity award!