One Liners - Business

• Just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they are not out to get you.
• Just when you get going, someone injects a dose of reality with a large needle.
• Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it anymore.
• Just when you think you've won the rat race, along come faster rats.
• Knowledge based on external evidence is unreliable.
• Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten.
• Leakproof seals will.
• Learn to be sincere. Even if you have to fake it.
• Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
• Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.

Collection of Insults

• For two cents, I`d give you a piece of my mind -- and all of yours.
• You are the only person I've ever met whose mind is filthy and sterile at the same time!
• You have no trouble making ends meet. Your foot is always in your mouth!
• I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.
• I think Mother Nature really hates you because you remind her so much of all her mistakes!
• You must be the arithmetic man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
• Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was. You started at the bottom -- and it's been downhill ever since.
• You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.
• I don't mind that you are talking so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening.
• I heard that you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork.
• I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck, now I have a much lower opinion of you.

Nervous Driver

"Quick, take the wheel", said the nervous driver. "Why?" asked his passenger. "Because there is a tree coming straight for us!"