11 Ponderings Collection

Ponderings Collection

1. If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?
2. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
3. If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
6. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
7. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
8. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
9. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
10. Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs?
11. Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns? 

Be Nice

Never make fun of a fat guy with a lisp... He's probably thick and tired of it.

Computer Acronyms List

Humorous Computer-Related Acronyms

• IBM: I Blame Microsoft. Idiots Buy Me. Idiots Building Machines. I'll Buy Macintosh. It Bit Me. It Built Microsoft. It's Better Manually. I've Been Mislead. I've Been Mugged.
• WINDOWS: Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed. When I Need Data Output Without Speed. While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation. Will Install Needless Data On Whole System.
• WIN: Whoppingly Immense NOP. Worm Infestation Netware.
• MSWINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT: My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally.
• APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
• DEC: Dump Everything and Close
• DEC: Do Expect Cuts
• HCL: Hilarious Computer Logic
• HP: Hot Pursuit
• MAC: Most Absurd Computer
• MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
• MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
• NEXT: Now EXchange for Trash
• OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.
• WARP: What A Rot Program
• CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
• COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
• DOS: Defective Operating System
• ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
• LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
• MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
• PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
• PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics
• SCSI: System Can't See It
• WWW: World Wide Wait