You Might Be A Redneck

You might be a redneck if...

• You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
• You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.
• Your secret family recipe is illegal.
• Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
• Your baby's favorite teething ring is the garden hose in the yard.
• Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.
• Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
• You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.
• Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.
• Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

True Definitions

1. Fine - I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
2. That's Okay - One of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.
3. Nothing - The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine" (See #1).
4. Five Minutes - If getting dress, this means half an hour. (Don't be mad about this. It's the same definition for you when it's your turn to do some chores around the house.
5. Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, "You're welcome," and let it go.
6. Loud Sigh - Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing." (See #3)
7. Go Ahead - This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
8. Don't worry about it, I got it - The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, "What's wrong?" For the woman's response, see #3.)

Airplane Propellers

Propellers on small planes are actually used to keep the pilot cool.
When it stops spinning, you can see the pilot start to sweat.