Paddy Letter

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ". Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
     

If A Tree Falls in the Forest

Q: If a tree falls in the forest, and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
A: Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.

Don't Need One

A little boy plays in a sandbox with the little girl from next door. He brags, "I have a big fire engine." The girl responds, "So what? I have a fire engine too." He says, "I have a toy tank." She replies, "So what? I have a tank, too." The young boy drops his pants and says, "I have a penis!" The little girl looks down her pants and runs home crying. The next day, the little girl returns to the sandbox. The little boy says, "You still don't have a penis and I do!" "Well," says the little girl, "my mom told me not to worry about it. She said as long as I have what I have, I can get as many of those as I want."