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Jokes about Families - Mother Jokes

Televsion 800 Number
We were watching this commercial on television. Commercial said, 'If you're having problems with your mama whipping you, call this 800 number.' I called that number. My mama answered the phone.
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You Might Be a Redneck 44
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job, primer red and primer gray.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Your mom calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire on her house.
The ASPCA raids your kitchen.
You have to check in the bottom of your shoe for change so you can get Grandma a new plug of tobacco.
You can't get married to your sweetheart because there is a law against it.
You celebrate Groundhog Day because you believe in it.
Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell.
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
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Laugh Till You Cry
Little Johnny came in from the backyard sobbing. His mother asked "What's the matter?" "Dad was fixing the fence and hit his thumb with the hammer," he said through his tears. "That's not so serious," his mother said, "and a big boy like you shouldn't cry about that. Why didn't you just laugh?" "I did!" cried Johnny.
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