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Jokes about Families - Man Criticizes Woman
Answered Prayers
The Pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers. A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a Praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him.."
You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.
"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place...."
Again, the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.
"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with relief. The Pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Phil."
The entire congregation held its breath.......
"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum.
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It's Bedtime
The bride lay in bed on the first night of their honeymoon while her husband stood at the bedroom window, gazing at the stars. "Come to bed, darling," she whispered after some time had passed. "Not likely," replied the blonde groom, "my mother told me that this would be the best night of my life and I'm not going to miss a minute of it."
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Farmer Johnson
Old farmer Johnson was dying. The family was standing around his bed. With a low voice he said to his wife, "Maude, when I'm dead and gone... I want you to marry farmer Jones." "Oh no, I couldn't marry anyone after you!" Maude replies."But I want you to, Maude." "But why?" Maude asks."Because that no good son of a bitch once cheated me in a horse trade!"
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