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The best jokes and joke writers!

Wear Green

Q: Why do you wear green on St. Patrick's Day?

A: So you can have lucky pants.

I'll Tell Them Slowly

"Hey," said a new arrival in the pub, "I've got some great Irish jokes." "Before you start," said the big bloke in the corner, ", I'm Irish." "Don't worry," said the newcomer, "I'll tell them slowly."

Too Good To Be True

A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said "Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the bartender will give each of us a free Guiness." The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table." The Russian said "That sounds fine but if we go to Gouvstof's we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid." "That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Have you actually been there?" "No," the Russian replied, "but my wife goes there all the time."

Shamus's Obituary

Shamus opened his morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. Furious, he quickly phoned his best friend Finnegan.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Shamus. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finnegan, "...where ya callin' from?"

Paddy and His Goldfish

Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish. "I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.   The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".

Paddy says, "Yeah, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet!"