Disease / Afflictions Jokes - Going to Die Jokes

Translation

A woman goes with her husband to the doctor for his exam. After the exam, the doctor pulls the wife aside and says: “Your husband is suffering from severe long-term stress, and he is a good candidate for a heart attack or stroke. If you don’t do the following three things, he will surely die. First, every morning fix him a healthy breakfast. Second, when he gets home make him a warm, nutritious dinner, and don’t burden him with household chores. Third, have sex with him several times a week.” On the way home, the husband asks the wife, “I saw the doctor talking to you and he looked serious. What did he say?” Wife: “He says you’re gonna die.”

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Profession Jokes (Other Doctor Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Father Jokes) , Disease / Afflictions Jokes (Going to Die Jokes)
Anonymous

I'm Over the Hill Poem

We're over the hill, but don't feel sad
This side of the hill ain't all that bad
So give us "five" and then a smile
To us who have been here for awhile
With by-pass pain and mended hip
And plumbing fixtures prone to drip
We all may seem a sorry lot
But we rejoice for what we've got

We have each day and what it brings
And, on our pensions, live like kings
For the press that accuses what we take
To coin a phrase, "Let them eat cake!"

We've paid our share for unused knowledge
As the kids are now all done with college
We complain to them about our health
As they worry about our dwindling wealth

And though our wardrobes may be plain
We'll suffer no more labor or pain
Now it's with cane we do our strut
And if we can't drive - we still can putt
We're mean and tough; meet all demands
Why, M&M's melt in our hands
Yes, we're still here, and it does delight us
That you join our fight against arthritis

But we ask you make a pledge today
That you'll be careful what you say
We have to spread "Over the Hill" fear
Or we'll have those young folks over here!

Categories: Old Age Jokes , Dark Humor Jokes , Disease / Afflictions Jokes (Going to Die Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Twisted Logic

An alcoholic is just someone who is having a medicinal drink for a terminal illness
 

Categories: Bar Jokes (Drunk Jokes) , Dark Humor Jokes (Suicide Jokes) , Disease / Afflictions Jokes (Going to Die Jokes) , Word Play Jokes , Funny Thoughts
Copyright © 2014 - Kiel Phillips - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Written By: KielPhillips