Two men walk into a bar. First one says "I'll have an H20."
Second man says, "You know what? I'll have an H20 too."
The second man dies.
A blonde and a brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why the rope was around her waist. The blonde said that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, "You put it around your neck!" The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe!"
A recruit who wasn't really meant to be a soldier went out to the rifle range for the first time. He missed every target and most of the hills behind them. Despondent, he said to the sergeant, "I think I'll just go and shoot myself." The sergeant said, "Better take a couple of extra bullets!"
Five out of six people are okay with Russian Roulette
Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by swallowing 100 pain killers?
A: After two he began to feel better.