Just been to see an art exhibition on depression. The pictures had hung themselves.
Q: Why did Hitler kill himself?
A: Because he saw his gas bill.
Q: What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common?
A: They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Die Hard Fans
A Giants fan, a Padre fan, and a Dodger fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves his team more.
The Padre fan insists he's the most loyal. "This is for San Diego!" he yells and jumps off the side of the mountain.
Not to be outdone, the Giants fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells, "This is for San Francisco!" and pushes the Dodger fan off the mountain.
My sweater is on the roof.
I know I'm a tough personal trainer, but I never thought I'd drive a client to suicide.