I accidentally called Nike instead of the suicide hotline.
They said just do it.
Why was it that the Kamikaze pilots used helmets?
A Little Period
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude.
But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period" reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that" she said. "But what is so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my fifteen-year-old sister said she missed two. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
A man committed suicide by chopping his head off and left a suicide note in his mouth reading, "I don't need no body."
Q: How does a Russian commit suicide?
A: He smells his armpit.
Q: How does an American commit suicide?
A: He tells this joke to a Russian.