Someone Died Playing Golf
Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and was very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee." His wife replied "Oh, that's awful!" "You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."
A new mortuary in a tough mill town decided to advertise in an unorthodox fashion and so draped a banner on the front of their building that read, "Our Staff will stuff your Stiff."
Not to be outdone, the madame across the street had her girls respond with a banner too saying,"Our Stuff will stiff your Staff."
Dead Man's Booty Call
Three nurses working in a morgue discover a dead man with a hard on, the 1st Nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste," and rides him. The 2nd Nurse does the same. The 3rd Nurse hesitates and explains she's on her period, but does him anyway. To their surprise the man sits up, wide awake. The Nurses apologize saying they thought he was dead. The man replies, "I was, but after two jump starts and a blood transfusion I feel frickin great!"
An undertaker comes home with a black eye. "What happened to you?"asks his wife."I had a terrible day," replies the undertaker. "I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When i got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I find the room and sure enough, there's this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I did what I always do, I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half." "I see,"says his wife."But how did you get the black eye? "The undertaker replies,"Wrong room."
Wife Buried Her Husband
An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!" One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave. The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"