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The best jokes and joke writers!

Old Chatter

You know you're getting old when you tell someone you woke up with a stiffy and they think your wife died in her sleep.

Stiff Golfing

John and Brandon meet in the clubhouse of the golf course.  John says to Brandon, "I hear you had a tragedy while golfing last week."  Brandon says, "Yes, I was playing with David and at the end of the ninth hole he dropped dead!"  John says, "Someone told me you carried him back to the clubhouse. That must have been tough without a cart.  He weighed over two hundred pounds, right?"  Brandon says, "Well, the carrying part wasn't so hard.  It was putting David down for every stroke and picking him up again that got to me."

Best Friend Test

A friend will help you move.

A best friend will help you move a body!

Ashamed

Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island. Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed of what she was doing. Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed of what they were doing. Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again...being so ashamed of what they were doing.

The Mortitian

The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was approached by his assistant.  "Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian.  "Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 year-old blonde came in last night. Dead of course"  "What was the cause of death", inquired the mortition.  "I'm not sure",  replied the assistant. "But she's got a Prawn stuck up her cunt!"  "Are you sure?", said the Mortitian.  "Yes, come and have a look for yourself",  said the assistant opening the body bag.  The mortitian closely examined the beautifully trimmed snatch.  "That's not a prawn you stupid wanker", he responded, "That's her clitoris".  "Are you sure?", said the assistant,  "'Cuz it certainly tasted like a prawn".