Two men and a woman were the sole survivors of a pleasure cruise ship that sank in the Bermuda Triangle. They made it to an uninhabited island. Two weeks later the woman jumped off a cliff because she was so ashamed of what she was doing. Two weeks after that the two men buried her because they were so ashamed of what they were doing. Two more weeks passed by and the men dug her up again...being so ashamed of what they were doing.
The Pepsi Plane Crash
There was a cargo shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction, and crashed in the jungle. A few days later, Pepsi sent a rescue plane to search for the plane and crew. They found the wreckage, but were not able to locate the crew. They searched the area and met with a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief nods and simply says, "Yes...seen plane crash". When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi!" The Rescue crew was shocked. Another man asked, "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi!" Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi!" Finally, another rescuer had to ask, "Did you..you know...eat their...things?" The chief says, "NO, you idiot!... even cannibals know that...THINGS go better with Coke!"
The Mortitian arrived at the Mortuary one morning and was approached by his assistant. "Anything interesting happen over-night", asked the mortitian. "Yes", replied the assistant, "The most gorgeous 18 year-old blonde came in last night. Dead of course" "What was the cause of death", inquired the mortition. "I'm not sure", replied the assistant. "But she's got a Prawn stuck up her cunt!" "Are you sure?", said the Mortitian. "Yes, come and have a look for yourself", said the assistant opening the body bag. The mortitian closely examined the beautifully trimmed snatch. "That's not a prawn you stupid wanker", he responded, "That's her clitoris". "Are you sure?", said the assistant, "'Cuz it certainly tasted like a prawn".
Q: What happened when the cannibal bit off a missionary's ear?
A: He had his first taste of Christianity!
Someone Died Playing Golf
Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and was very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee." His wife replied "Oh, that's awful!" "You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."