Bus of Lawyers

Q: What do you call a bus full of lawyers going over a cliff with three empty seats?
A: A total waste of space!

The Good Die Young

Tombstone epitaph on the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia: Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102, The Good Die Young.

Shift Change

At the Polish-Russian border, a Russian border patrol walks down the line, expecting a quiet evening when suddenly he sees something dangling from a tree. Someone hung himself. Right there. At the border. He calls his partner.
"Ivan? Come quick, there's someone hanging from the tree! Someone committed suicide right here at the border!"
"What? Oh please no! The paperwork! And in 30 minutes we'd be relieved and I want to go on vacation. C'mon, help me, we take him down and hang him over to the Polish side, let them deal with the guy!"
And they do. They cut down the corpse and carry it over a few yards past the border to tie him back up onto a Polish tree. Quickly they walk on and finish their patrol.
Not even an hour later, a Polish patrol comes along. The guard sees something dangle in the wind, he pauses, stares at it wide-eyed, and yells
"I can't believe it! Miroslav, come quick! He is back!"