Chuck Norris' Enemies

If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Southwest Airlines

From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 995, to Phoenix. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."

Thirty Times Faster

Does anyone know what would happen if the earth rotated 30 times faster than it does today? We would get our paycheck everyday, and all women would bleed to death.