Pumpkin Carving

Getting in the mood for Halloween. I've just carved up a pumpkin.
That kid regretted his costume choice.

Southwest Airlines

From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 995, to Phoenix. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."

Fulfilling a Promise

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter. Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?" She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!" She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?" She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!" Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that BJ I promised you? Here it comes..."