Dead Ringer, Part II

With the hunchback still dead, and his no-armed replacement still dead, the church leader still needs a bell ringer.  He posts a sign outside the church and another no-armed man shows up to take the job. The frustrated church leader says, "The last no-armed guy died trying to ring this bell, what makes you think you can do it?" The no-armed man says, "I've been without my arms since birth and therefore have much more experience. Besides, I desperately need the job to feed my family."  The church leader, feeling sorry for the man, says, "OK give it a try."  And, as expected, the no-armed man tries to pull the rope with his teeth, stumbles and falls to his death. The church leader rushes down to the sidewalk just as a policeman arrives. The policeman says, "OK, this is two deaths in two days. Does anybody know who this guy is?"  The church leader says, "I'm sorry, I didn't ask, but he's a dead ringer for the guy who was in here yesterday!"

Condolences

A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell...the nut has gone to heaven."

Whitney Houston Ending on a High Note

After listening to some of Whitney Houston's last, raspy performances, it was pretty clear she didn't end her career on "high" note... or did she? The tox report is still pending.