Is Your Wife Dead?

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven

St. Peter meets Mother Theresa at the Gates Of Heaven and says, "You were a good woman. I'm giving you a nice halo." Mother Theresa is walking around Heaven when she sees Princess Di, and the Princess has a much bigger halo. Mother Theresa goes back to St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, I spent most of my adult life helping the poor and the sickly. Princess Di did no where near the amount of charitable work I did. Why does she have a bigger halo?" St. Peter says, "That's not a halo. That's a steering wheel."

Clinton and Comey

Q: Why did James Comey refuse to indict Hillary Clinton?
A: Because he found his suicide note in her Wikileaks emails.