Seattle 911

I accidentally called Nike instead of the suicide hotline.
They said just do it.
 

Six People On A Plane

Six people were on a plane. A doctor, a lawyer a priest and 3 children. The pilot comes on the radio and says the plane is going to crash, and there are only three parachutes. The doctor yells out, " Save the children" The lawyer yells out  "FUCK THE CHILDREN!" The priest yells out " IS THERE TIME?"

Oopsy Daisy!

On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy". While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card.
"Oh, it's alright." said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how these things can happen."
"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party." "Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.
"'Congratulations on your new location!"