We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Week vs Weak

Q: What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?

A: One is a weak one and the other one week!

Blind Deer

Q: What do you call a blind deer with no legs?

A: Still no eye deer

Some Things Don't Change

The king wanted to go fishing, so he called on the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain so the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.  On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace!  In just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area." The king was polite and considerate, he replied, "I hold the palace  meteorologist in high regard.  He is an extensively educated and experienced professional and I pay him very high wages.  He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him." So the king continued on his way.  However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky.  The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition. Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster. The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting.  I obtain my information from my donkey.  If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain. "So the king hired the donkey. And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions. The practice is unbroken to this date which is why the donkey remains as the democratic party logo.

Knock Knock - Owls

Knock knock

Who's there?

Owls

Owls who?

That's right! Owls hoo!

Teddy Bear

Q: What does a teddy bear say when you offer it a sandwich?

A: "No thanks, I'm stuffed"