Substitution

My child doesn't eat meat, what to substitute it with?
A dog, dogs eat meat.

Elephants

Every nation has to write a book about the Elephant...

 
The French book - The Sex Life of the Elephant (or 1000 ways to cook Elephant)
The English book - Elephants I Have Shot on Safari
The Welsh book - The Elephant and its Influence on Welsh language and Culture (or: Oes Ysgol Tocynnau Eleffant Llanfairpwll Nhadau Coeden)
The American book - How to Make Bigger And Better Elephants
The Japanese book - How to Make Smaller And Cheaper Elephants
The Greek book - How to Sell Elephants for a Lot of Money
The Finnish book - What Do Elephants Think About Finnish People
The German book - A Short Introduction to Elephants, Vol 1-6.
The Icelandic book - Defrosting an Elephant
The Swiss book - Switzerland: The Country Through Which Hannibal Went With His Elephants
The Canadian book - Elephants: A Federal or State Issue?
The Swedish book - How to Reduce Your Taxes With an Elephant.

Redneck Guessing Game

Two rednecks, Jethro and Fester, meet on a country road. Jethro is carrying a big bag labeled, "CHICKENS." "CHICKENES, eh?" says the Fester. "Hmmmm, if I guesses how many chickens you gots in dat there bag, will you give me one?" "Heck," says the Jethro, "Iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of em." Fester scratches his head and guesses, "Ummmm... five?!"