Stumbling and Mumbling
A drunk stumbles out of a bar one night and passes a woman walking her dog. The man stops her and asks, "Hey where'd ya get the pig?" The woman replies, "Listen you drunken bastard, that's a dog not a pig." The man then said, "Take it easy, I was talking to the dog"
Q: What's the difference between the dinosaur and a dragon?
A: Dinosaurs are too young to SMOKE!
Ants and Math
Q: What kind of ant is good at math?
A: An accountant!
Q: When should a mouse carry an umbrella?
A: When it's raining cats and dogs!
Q: What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
A: A horse!