Animal Jokes

Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs?

A: You can step in a poodle!

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," little Johnny answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," he answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"

Q: What is the scariest type of dinosaur?

A: A Terror-dactyle.

Q: What magazine do cats like to read?

A: Good Mousekeeping.

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.  He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.  Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."  At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"