The Beer Prayer

• Our lager,
• Which art in barrels,
• Hollowed be thy drink.
• I will be drunk,
• At home as in the travern.
• Give us this day our foamy head,
• And forgive us our spillages,
• As we forgive those who spill against us.
• And lead us not into incarceration,
• But deliver us from hangerovers.
• For thine is the beer.
• The bitter and
• The lager
• Forever and ever,
• Barmen.

The Consumption of Alcohol

• The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
• The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
• The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
• The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
• The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
• The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
• The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
• The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
• The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees.
• The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
• The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
• The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

Women Drinking Beer on the Beach

Q: Why don't women like to drink beer on the beach?
A: They don't like getting sand in their Busch.