Wrong Bus

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!" The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, "Man, I'm on the wrong bus!"

Lifelong Dream

For a holiday, Mulvaney decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Yeah," said Mulvaney. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"

Beer Festival - Bar Visit

After the Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.
Ricardo from Grupo Modelo sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
Luiz from Anheuser-Busch says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.
Mark from Molson Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
Kenny from MadTree Brewing sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Kenny, why aren't you drinking a Happy Amber?" and Kenny replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."