Two Many Tequilas
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila.... floor.
The Wedding Is Off...No On
All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off, sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry. "The weddin's off," he shouted, "Everybody bugger off!" Dismayed and muttering, the guests repaired to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for free beer. One guest, a friend of the bride's father, held back, and approached him. "What's the problem?" he asked. "Someone stole a keg of beer, and some bastard fucked the bride!", exclaimed the father. The guest, taken aback, and rendered speechless, left the church, joining the other farmers. A few minutes later, the father reappeared and yelled "All right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!" As the farmers filed back into the church, the friend again approached the father of the bride, and asked "What happened to make you change your mind?" Grinning sheepishly, he replied, "Oh, well, we... uh... we found the keg of beer."
You know you've been married too long when a "Quickie" before dinner now means a drink.
Q: What's the difference between a camel and a Russian?
A: A camel can walk for 30 days without drinking but a Russian can drink for 30 days without walking.
God Created Alcohol
Q: Why did God create alcohol?
A: So ugly people could have sex, too.