Profession Jokes - Lawyer Jokes
There's a blind rabbit and a blind snake that are friends. One day, the blind rabbit tells the blind snake that he doesn't know what he is, because he can't see. The blind snake takes ahold of the rabbit and says, "Well, you have long fur covered ears and a short little tail. You must be a rabbit." The rabbit was happy to know what he was. He tells the blind snake, "Come here and I will try to determine what you are." The blind rabbit feels the snake and finally says, "You're cold and slimy and don't have any balls. You must be a lawyer."
Is a Lawyer Well Hung?
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Did You Kill the Victim?
Prosecutor: Did you kill the victim?
Defendant: No Sir, I did not.
Prosecutor: Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?
Defendant: Yes Sir, I do. And they're a heck of a lot better than the penalty for murder!
Tough Court Case
A tough case was being argued in court. The defense attorney, feeling that he was in trouble, sent the judge a bottle of hundred-year old brandy. The defendant was fit to be tied.
"The judge will kill me, he ill think you are trying to bribe him! We're dead!" cried the defendant.
"I don't think so," his attorney told him. "I sent it in the other lawyer's name!"
A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" "Absolutely," the lawyer responded. The butcher immediately shot back, "Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning." The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer. The contents reads "Consultation: $25.00."