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Replacing Lab Rats with Lawyers

The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced last week that they were going to start using lawyers instead of rats in their experiments. Naturally, the American Bar Association was outraged and filed suit. Yet, the NIH presented some very good reasons for the switch.

  1. The lab assistants were becoming very attached to their little rats. This emotional involvement was interfering with the research being conducted. No such attachment could form for a lawyer.
  2. Lawyers breed faster and are in much greater supply.
  3. Lawyers are much cheaper to care for and the humanitarian societies won't jump all over you no matter what you're studying.
  4. There are some things even a rat won't do.

How Many Lawyers Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

Inventing Wire

Q: How was wire invented?

A: Two lawyers pulling on a penny.

Looks Good On A Lawyer

Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?

A: A Doberman pinscher.

Lawyer's Viagra

Q: What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?

A: He gets taller!