Profession Jokes - Lawyer Jokes
A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner. The attorney asks, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?" The coroner says, "No." The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?" "No." "So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?" The corner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear." replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
Q: How do you prevent a Lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water!
Satan And Lawyer
Q: What do you call Satan and a lawyer?
Lawyers Like Nuclear Weapons
Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched during a debate, they can rarely be recalled. And when they land, they screw up everything forever.