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The best jokes and joke writers!

Farmer Brown's Son

One day, Farmer Brown went behind his barn and found to his dismay that his son, Jeb, was jerking off. He vowed to his son that he was going to help him find a wife, so he would not have to be doing this. Sure enough, the father was able to find a suitable bride just right down the road and the couple was married shortly thereafter. Six weeks later the farmer was again going behind the barn and caught his son vigorously jerking off. The farmer went berzerk. "Why are you still doing this, why aren't you with your wife?" "Aw Paw," said the son, "Her little old arm gets so tired."

Killed Your Rooster!

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car followed by a large cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse, and rang the door bell. A farmer appeared. The man, somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him" ."Suit yourself,"  the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."

Cow Priced Like A Car

What would happen if we priced our "cows" using the same criteria the auto industry uses to price a "car"? A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his unit as follows:

  • Basic cow...$499.99
  • Shipping and handling...35.75
  • Extra Stomach...79.25
  • Two Tone Exterior...142.10
  • Produce Storage Compartment...126.50
  • Heavy Duty Straw Chomper...189.60
  • Four Spigot/High Output Drain System...149.20
  • Automatic Fly Swatter...88.50
  • Genuine Cowhide Upholstery...179.90
  • Deluxe Dual Horns...59.25
  • Automatic Fertilizer Attachment...339.40
  • 4X4 Traction Drive Assembly...884.16
  • Pre-delivery Wash and Comb...69.80

FARMER'S SUGGESTED LIST PRICE:...$2,843.30

Additional Dealer Adjustments: ...300.00

TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including Options).........$3,143.36

Farm Boy Brothel

A farm boy who had just finished his schooling on the farm, was sent by his Ma and Pa to the big city to go to college. The first thing the boy does when he gets to town, is go to find a brothel. He goes inside to talk to the madam about getting a girl. She leads him upstairs, opens the door to a room and tells him to sit and wait for the girl to arrive. After several minutes of anxious waiting, a young, blonde prostitute comes in. The boy is beside himself, and he leaps up from the bed, grabs the television, and throws it out the window. The girl thinks this is odd behavior, but she shrugs it off, and begins to undress. As she strips, the farmboy runs over, grabs the night stand and throws it out the window. Again the girl thinks this is odd, but being an experienced hooker, she figures it's a fetish and continues disrobing. The girl removes her panties, and with that, the farm boy grabs the entire bed and starts lugging it toward the window. The girl, figuring this is one even she hasn't heard of, finally asks, "What the hell are you doing?" The farm boy replies, "Ah ain't never been with no woman before but, if it's anythin' like fuckin' sheep, we gonna need all the room we can git."

Guessing Game

A blonde dyed her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on. She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. She said to the farmer, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?" "Okay," said the farmer. So she quickly counted them and said, "91." The farmer looked around astonished and said, "Alright take one." As she was walking back to her car the farmer said, "If I can guess your natural hair color can I have my dog back?"