Profession Jokes - Farmer Jokes

A Farmer's Fiddle

A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a farmer's field. The farmer took the pilot back to the farmhouse, where the pilot noticed the farmer had a golden fiddle hanging above the fireplace. The two men were standing there talking when the farmer's wife came down the steps. The pilot couldn't believe how beautiful she was. "How can you trust her to be here by herself all day, while you go out and work the fields?" "I trust my wife," the farmer said. "She's never been unfaithful." "I'll make you a little bet. If I take your wife upstairs, she'll be unfaithful. If not, you can have my plane. But, if she is, I get your fiddle." "It's a deal." So, the pilot and the farmer's wife go upstairs. About a half hour passes, and the farmer picks up the fiddle and starts playing it.
"Be true to me, Be true to me, Be true for just one hour. Be true to me, Be true to me, And his airplane will be ours." Another fifteen minutes pass, and suddenly he sees his wife coming down the stairs. He asks her if she stayed true to him. She walked over, picked up the fiddle, started playing it.
"He kissed me on the lips, He kissed me on the tits, He kissed me in the middle. He kissed a spot that you forgot, and you lost your fucking fiddle."

Categories: Profession Jokes (Farmer Jokes) , Profession Jokes (Pilot Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Cheater Jokes) , Sex Jokes (One Night Stand Jokes)
Anonymous

Barn Story

This guy was really sleepy and needed a place to stay for the night. So he sees this barn up the road and asks the owner if he can stay in his barn for the night.
"Sure," says the farmer, "as long as you promise not to stick your winky into the three holes." The man promises, and the farmer leaves him there. Of course, he can't resist, and the farmer is woken up in the middle of the night by screams coming from the barn. The farmer goes down and finds the guy stuck in the third hole.
"What are in these holes?" the guy screams.
"Well," says the farmer, "one of them's my daughter, one's my cow, and one of them's an automatic milking machine that doesn't stop until it gets five gallons."

Categories: Profession Jokes (Farmer Jokes) , Sex Jokes (Masturbation Jokes)
Anonymous

Lacking all religion

A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul, the preacher asked the man, "Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good man?"  Not even looking at the preacher and continuing his work the farmer replied, "Naw, these are soybeans."  "You don't understand," said the preacher. "Are you a Christian?".  With the same amount of interest as his previous answer the farmer said, "Nope my name is Jones. You must be looking for Jim Christian. He lives a mile south of here." 
The young, determined preacher tried again asking the farmer, "Are you lost?".  "Naw! I've lived here all my life," answered the farmer.  "Are you prepared for the resurrection?", the frustrated preacher asked.  This caught the farmer's attention and he asked, "When's it gonna be?".  Thinking he had accomplished something the young preacher replied, "It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day."  Taking a handkerchief from his back pocket and wiping his brow, the farmer remarked, "Well, don't mention it to my wife. She don't get out much and she'll wanna go all three days."

Categories: Profession Jokes (Farmer Jokes) , Religion Jokes
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Anonymous