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The best jokes and joke writers!

Two Farmers and Their Sheep

An Irish farmer sees a Welsh farmer with two sheep under his arms... and he asks... "Are you gonna shear them?" "Nope," says the welshman... "They're both for me."

Talking Cow

A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow. Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story. "Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes, yes," the man replied."Oh! I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the farmer. "She doesn't know a thing about cars."

Quack, Quack

There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few housecalls he stopped coming to the farm. The puzzled farmer finally phoned him to ask whats the matter, didn't he like him or somethin'. The doctor replied, "No, its your ducks at the entrance... Every time I enter the farm, they insult me!"

City Turned Country

A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He found a nice, used chicken farm, which he bought. Turns out that his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn't easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I'll give you 100 chickens." The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the new neighbor stopped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too good. All 100 chickens died." The neighbor said, "Oh, I can't believe that. I've never had any trouble with my chickens. I'll give you 100 more." Another two weeks went by, and the neighbor stops in again. The new farmer says, "You're not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too." Astounded, the neighbor asked, "what went wrong? What did you do to them?" "Well, says the new farmer, "I'm not sure whether I'm planting them too deep or not far apart enough."

Old Farmers

Old farmers never die, they just spade away