The Oldest Lawyer

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it for the express degree you told me about?" "It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?"  "That's my business! Get me the course!"  Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.  Suddenly, the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end.  Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before you died?"  In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer . . ."

Doctor Predicts Longevity

Doctor: You're in good health. You'll live to be eighty.  
Patient: But, doctor, I am 80 right now.
Doctor: See, what did I tell you.

Johnny Being Johnny

A young mother paying a visit to a doctor friend and his wife made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. But finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say, "I hope, doctor, you don't mind Johnny being in there." "No," said the doctor calmly, "He'll be quiet when he gets to the poisons."