The Oldest Lawyer

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is it for the express degree you told me about?" "It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?"  "That's my business! Get me the course!"  Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.  Suddenly, the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear that this would be the end.  Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before you died?"  In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said, "One less lawyer . . ."

Top 5 Ferguson Police Jokes

As reported by the DOJ, these are the top 5 politically incorrect jokes emailed by Ferguson Police:

1. President Barack Obama won't be president for long because, "What black man holds a steady job for four years?"
2. "I be so glad that dis be my last child support payment! Month after month, year after year, all dose payments!"
3. "An African-American woman in New Orleans was admitted into the hospital for a pregnancy termination. Two weeks later she received a check for $5,000. She phoned the hospital to ask who it was from. The hospital said, 'Crime Stoppers.'
4. A man wanted to obtain "welfare" for his dogs because they are, "Mixed in color, unemployed, lazy, can't speak English and have no frigging clue who their Daddies are."
5. Photo of a bare-chested group of dancing women, apparently in Africa, with the caption, "Michelle Obama's High School Reunion."

The Butcher's Wife

Q: How did the butcher introduce his wife?
A: Meet Patty.