Three Hell's Angels

Three Hell's Angels are sitting at a table in a transport cafe when in walks a Nun, takes a seat next to them and begins to eat. Astonished, one of them says, "I went to my parents wedding last week and we all got wasted." Being quick on the up-take the second one says, "My dad says he will marry my mom next year." Despite this the Nun stays right where she is. In desperation the third one says, "My old man will never ever marry my mom." The Nun looks up from her food and says, "Would one of you bastards please pass the salt?"

Old Lady's House Ransacked

An old lady lived by herself in a small house in a small town. One day she went to the local grocery store and while she was gone a criminal broke into her house, took her clothes off of the line, smashed the watermelons in her garden, shaved her cat and then left when he couldn't find any money. Well, a couple of hours later the old lady got home and when she saw what had happened to her house she immediately called the police. When the officer on the other end answered the phone and asked her what the problem was she simply replied, "yes officer someone broke into my house, took my clothes off, squeezed my melons, and shaved my pussy." 

Wall Fish

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into a wall?
A: Dam.