Shark Week - Swimming
Q: Is it safe to swim in the ocean this week?
A: Sure, the sharks are all busy filming with Discovery.
Little Johnny's Goldfish!
Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Johnny?" "Well, my goldfish died," replied Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied... "That's because he's inside your cat!"
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A: SWIMMING TRUNKS !!!
Three blondes were sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A game warden came up behind them, tapped one on the shoulder and said, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any." replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," he said.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were magnets tied on the end of each line.
"Well, I know of no law against it," said the warden, "take all the debris you want." And with that, he left. As soon as he was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically.
"What a dumb cop," the third blonde said to the other two, "doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?!"
Q: What kind of fish goes well with peanut butter?