Gay Bar Condoms

Q: What did one condom say to the other condom as they saw a gay bar?
A: Let's go get shit faced

Valentine's Day Gifts

A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones. Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor. He added a card and proceeded home. After a romantic candlelight dinner, he presented his wife with the gift. She opened the card to read, "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder." With a tear in her eye, she whispered to him lovingly, "Yes, and with fronds like these, who needs anemones."

Insanity Defense

Q: How did the train conductor use the insanity defense when she was accused of murder?
A: She claimed she had locomotives.