What Floor Please?

A woman walks into the local pharmacy and asks to find sanitary napkins.The pharmacist replies, "We have mini-pads and maxi-pads, which do you prefer? "The woman asks, "What's the difference?" The pharmacist replies, "It depends on what your flow is like!" Woman replies, "My flo? My flo is linoleum!"

Sorry

I upset my hay fever suffering, diabetic girlfriend.
Now I don't know what to buy her to apologize.

Behold I Cometh!

A young minister had just got out of the seminary, got his first church, and was preaching his first sermon. In the seminary, they had taught him that if he forgot something, just back up and repeat what he had said, and maybe it would come back to him. He started out with a quote, "Behold, I cometh....." but he couldn't remember the rest of it. So he tries to regain his composure, backs up an starts again... "Behold I cometh..." but he still couldn't remember. So he rears back and shouts again, "Behold I cometh! ..." but this time he trips over the pulpit and falls right into the lap of a little old lady sitting the front row. He was embarrassed and started apologizing, but before he could finish the woman muttered "It isn't your fault sonny - you told me you were coming three times... I should have moved!"