Hardware Store

A woman walks into a hardware store and says, "I want to buy a hinge." The clerk says, "Do you wanna screw for that hinge?" The woman says, "No, but I'll blow you for the toaster."

Top Ten Most Violent Upcoming Movies

10. "Erin Brockovich Gets Her Face Chewed Off by Rats"
9. "Mary Poppins A Cap In Your Ass"
8. "Bitch-Slapping Miss Daisy"
7. "How Stella Got Her Groove Back 2: Whoopi Goldberg's Bikini Wax"
6. "Peyote Ugly"
5. "Circumcision: The Purification Begins"
4. "Thou Hast Deflowered My Daughter: An Amish Ass-kickin'"
3. "Field of Limbs"
2. "Terminal Velocity 2" starring Christopher Reeve
1. "How the Grinch Stole My Urethra"

Baker's Dozen

My boss at the bakery wanted us to come up with an event to sell all the bread he had over ordered.
I proposed a toast.