Why does the wind always go west to east in Wyoming? Because Nebraska sucks and Idaho blows.
An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put them between your legs. Your body heat will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up.
The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm them up." He did, and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my legs. The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did, and warmed his nose.
The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."
The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said, "Why, yes. Why do you ask?" The daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they!"
Q: What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Miami?
A: About 24 hours.
Q: Why was Frosty told to leave the grocery store?
A: Because he was caught picking his nose in the produce isle.
Two guys are drinking in a bar. Soon, a gorgeous brunette comes in. The first guy says, "Tickle your ass with a feather?" "What Did You Just Say?" she asks. "Particularly nasty weather," he replies. The brunette says, "Oh," and leaves. Then a really hot redhead walks in. The first guy looks in her eyes and says, "Tickle your ass with a feather?" Her face lights up and she purrs, "Yeah!" So they leave and two hours later the first guy comes back for another drink. Shocked, the second guy asks the first one how he did it. He explains that he uses the line on every woman, and if they're shocked he covers by saying, "Particularly nasty weather," but otherwise, some girls are up for it. Eager to try it, the second guy waits for another woman to enter the bar. Soon a blonde walks in. He nervously says, "Stick your ass with a feather?" "EXCUSE ME?" shouts the blonde. The guy reddens and stutters, "Uh, sorry, um... did you know it's fucking raining out?"