Last 10 Things Any Woman Would Ever Say
10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of being just friends.
9. Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche that way.
8. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
7. Hey, get a whiff of that one.
6. Please don't throw that old T-shirt away. The holes in the armpit are just to too cute.
5. This diamond is just way too big.
4. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
3. Wow!! It really is 14 inches.
2. Does this make my butt look too small??
1. I'm wrong, you must be right again..
Men Are Like Plungers
Men are like plungers... they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Bartender Robbed and Harrassed
A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your dough in this bag!" The scared bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!" The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and says, Alright, now give me a blowjob!" "Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!" The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in!"
Men In Heaven
Q: Why do so few men end up in heaven?
A: They never stop to ask for directions.
Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat?
A: Who knows - it's never been done.